Charles Grimes 0:00
Well, hello, Lori, welcome to the show this week. It's so great to meet you and have you here today. Why don't you just start by telling us your cancer story?
Lori Marini 0:09 Oh, well, first and foremost, thank you so much for having me here today. It's truly an honor. My cancer story is very different than most. I was 40, just about to turn 41 I was in the best shape of my life. I was working out five to six days a week eating everything I needed to eat, you know, the right way, sometimes indulging and stuff I shouldn't. But for the most part, I was very conscious of my health. And I were I've been a pathologist assistant for 20 years. So my background is working in oncology. It's something that I know I've worked both in the laboratory side and the patient care side. So it's something I'm very, very familiar with. And I had gone to my PCP at 40. She's like, make sure you get yourself a mammogram, you need a baseline that your came in. When when I went back to My PCP when I was closer to 41, she's like Laura, she's like, you know, I went in there apologizing, and I'm like, I am so sorry, but I never made it to my exam. And, and she's like, you know what, Lord, don't worry about it. They just changed the guidelines to 45 you just bought yourself another four years and having that, you know, I've been in the field for so long that I was kind of like taken back a bit long. Come on, like, I didn't hear that. But I sat with it a little bit. And about two weeks later, I woke up from this awful dream that I was riddled with cancer head to toe. So the first thing I did I got on the phone with my friend and I'm like, I am scared. I don't know what's going on. But you know what, I probably should go get that mammogram. And I called you know, and I told my friend Can you please make sure that I don't miss out this time, like I really need to make the time to go. So we ended up I ended up putting a call in they had an appointment the very next day, which is most of Those who work in healthcare know or have tried to get an appointment. Like that never happens. So I went the next day, they called me back for a second screen and I wasn't too concerned because it's typical that happens. And when I went back to the second screen, they repeated my mammogram with enhancement. And then they ended up doing an ultrasound. And I was probably on the table for a good hour and a half. And I was at image number 65. Before I finally like, had the realization that I'm like, okay, it's more than just a repeat screen just in case. And I knew it because they were measuring my lymph nodes. Now, every day of my life at work, I would look at radiographs, I would look at ultrasound imaging because what we would do is I'm the person that when patients would get a lumpectomy or a mastectomy or even a biopsy, I would physically get the tissue so I was responsible for diagnosing the patient that I was working on. So when I was kind of on the other side of the table, and they're looking at my lymph nodes, I was like, automatically like, Oh my god, right? And I make a joke about it because you know how they have those colorful lights above the bed. as a practitioner, I never really understood it. I'm like, why did they have that? Like, it's so weird when they put something nicer. And then being a patient on the table, that's all I had to look at. It actually helped me, you know, be distracted from what was going on. And it was like that moment where like, Okay, one, I understand why that light is there, too. This is what I'm going to be doing with the rest of my life. Three This is I'm writing my well, right like that's literally the thought I was going through my mind because I knew what was happening even though nobody had yet to say hey, by the way, you know you have cancer.
Charles Grimes 3:50 What a unique experience given your education and your experience in working with patients, maybe on a daily basis going through this, but what one Is that true effect of your experience? did it affect the way you, you know, you hit the ground running? I would imagine with your knowledge, was that a good thing for you to know as much as you know? Or is it really kind of was that a hard thing to know, as much as you know?
Lori Marini 4:15 It's a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I'm the person for the people in my life, if anybody has a problem, whether it's cancer, or if it's just a chronic illness, or they stubbed their toe, right, like I'm the one that walks them through, like, this is what you need to do first, this is what you need to do second, and I keep them calm. So when it's now my turn to keep myself calm, and I know more than I probably should know, right, because in my mind, I automatically went, Okay, this could go two ways. I could either be absolutely fine. Or I can end up with metastatic, you know, cancer to my brain to my bones and, and I in that moment, everything was just I was acutely aware of all of it. So it was difficult for me because I don't Never had the opportunity to be naive. Right?
Charles Grimes 5:03 And that the innocence of not really understanding how serious this really could be. Yeah. And weren't given that that luxury,right.
Lori Marini 5:13 Yeah. And that's how I described this whole process is that you really lose your innocence. Right, right. Regardless of how much you know, and how much medical background you have, you can never go back to how your life once was once you're diagnosed.
Charles Grimes 5:26 Yeah, but I think that brings up another point that I wanted to make and have you sort of talk about is that in your work and in your podcast, and in the work that you're doing with your clients in a coaching sense, you have differentiated the terms, survivor, from warrior and you are using the term warrior tell us a little bit of the background of why we often speak of cancer survivors, but you're changing our language a little bit here, which I love, by the way is to engage cancer warriors.
Lori Marini 5:57 Yeah, for me, being a warrior is a much more empowering statement. You know, for me survivor feels that it's something that's happening to you, you're just making do you're just surviving through it. For me as a warrior, it's like you, you're going into battle, you know, you know, you kind of know what your enemy is up to, but you're going to give it your best shot and you're just going to go in there and give it all you got. And I really believe that regardless of what stage you're at, in your diagnosis, or even in your treatment, you still have fight to do and I truly believe it's, you know, we get to a point where we stabilize a little bit but it's truly for the rest of your life. You can't ever go back and you know, sometimes you have episodes where you think of oh my god like is my cancer back when you get like a little feeling here or there but I truly believe that to to prosper and to really live fully, which is what I work with, you know the most what my clients is like, okay, like this happened to you. Now. Let's get you beyond that. You really need to have that positive warrior mindset to just keep moving forward.
Charles Grimes 7:06 Well, right and what I would ask of you is to explain to us how that affected your psychology going in, not necessarily as a victim, but going in with an intention. And there's a, there's a motive and speak to the psychological side of that.
Lori Marini 7:24 Yeah. So I, I often state that when you're going through the motions of treatment, like they give you your plan, you just are kind of going through the motions, right? A lot of us I would say, don't handle the emotional component until years later, I'm over three years out. And I finally feel like I'm myself again. There's still some things I know I need to handle. However, you know, having that warrior mindset is that you are willing to take on whatever comes your way in whatever time in whatever method it shows up. Right? Um, you definitely know need to be your own advocate, advocate, you need to educate yourself and you need to find a community you need to find support, because this is something where some people try to do it alone and it's, it's okay. But I would assert that at some point, everybody needs support of somebody else. And that's why like, have it be okay that you need help, like it's part of your strength community can lift you?
Charles Grimes 8:24 Yes, absolutely. And even someone with as much expertise or experience with it as you had, tell us about your community, just briefly some of the key people.
Lori Marini 8:34 Oh, my goodness. So I was very blessed because more than half of my friends are in medicine. So everybody, I didn't have to explain it right. Like That was one of my things. I I was really quiet as to who I was. I was talking about it because I was having a hard time dealing with it myself that this happened to me like I was the epitome of health. But also I just could not handle everyone else's feelings. Right, I needed to be strong for them, because that's the role that I've always taken. So I was having a really hard time, being strong for them and also still being strong for myself. So I isolated myself a bit to a point, that when I realized that I did it, I felt really bad. Yeah, you know, I did. I hurt a lot of people in the process and it wasn't intentional. It's just what I was going through.
Charles Grimes 9:24 Sure. Sure. Well, that's understandable. Give us the highlights of your timetable for your treatment just to bring everybody kind of in though there'll be many listening that have been through this, but what was your timetable? And how did how did things go from that? That diagnosis?
Lori Marini 9:40 Man things move really quickly for me, my first phone call even before so because of my education and what I know and when I got my biopsies taken, I asked to see them because that's what I do every day I purpose. I literally will look at patient samples and submit the best if say we know that they Want genomic studies that I will make sure that that tissue that has the most amount of tumor gets treated a little bit differently than the rest, right to make sure that they're able to get all the tests that they want. So of course, the first thing that I'm going to do is go and look at my own tissue. And I knew by looking at it that I had a problem. So my first phone call was to my boss who just happened to be like a world leading breast oncologist. And he's like, Lord, it's okay. It's probably nothing. And I'm like, No, like, I know, it's something. So I was very blessed in the fact that he took on getting all of my practitioners for me, he rallied my medical team. And I'm forever grateful because it was one less thing I had to do. And I had complete faith in my team. The other thing too, that ended up happening was for me is that my tribe rallied and they had an Excel spreadsheet as to who's going to be covering me or what day right? It was to the point that I had to tell them like everybody stopped showing up. Yeah, yeah, so my timeline was really, really quick. Within two and a half weeks of my diagnosis, I was already in surgery. And because I didn't have time to think about things, you know, the decision of going and having reconstructive surgery with implants was like, Okay, I guess I'm doing this right. Like, I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. The other question that they asked me that I was truly surprised about that I never really thought of was whether or not I wanted children. And up until this point, I haven't had kids, but now they're saying that I probably shouldn't, after, however my treatment goes, and that I should, you know, save some eggs if it's something that I'm interested in. But for me, I had two and a half weeks to just sort all of that out and then I was in surgery. I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction. But the reconstruction happened years later, and I was a stage two, somewhat aggressive, however, I did not have Have lymph node involvement, so I did not need chemotherapy or radiation. And honestly, when this whole thing started for me, that was what I prayed for. I'm like universe if you could let this go anyway, can you please just spare me of that? And so I've been very, very blessed because I know so many people do not have that luxury.
Charles Grimes 12:21 Yeah. Well, as you've come through it, can you tell us about the moment or the timeframe that that instant where you decided that because of the experience and what you've, you know what you've just come through that you were going to make the decision to make an impact for other people who in a way that's different from your job, of course, you were kind of working in it already. But now that you had experienced it, tell us about that realization, where you flip the switch or something happened and you said, I know that I know that this is what I'm going to do to make a difference.
Lori Marini 12:53 Yeah, so it happened once I went back to work. And when I was back at work, I was still going in For my follow ups, and I realized in that moment how overwhelmed I was. So, you know, I was having treatment I was getting seen in the hospital that I had worked in. So I knew where to park I knew where the cafeteria was, I knew where the bathroom was, I knew where my doctor's office was, like that whole stress of having to find where you need to be at what time, especially in a major Academic Center, which is where I got treated is really overwhelming. And I realized if I'm overwhelmed, and I know this place, and I'm usually the one that gives people directions, how does everybody else do it? Like it was it's what I've lived, I've lived hospital for hospital settings for 20 years. So in that moment, when I realized you know that I was I couldn't keep a thought I was completely Yeah, the best word to say is overwhelmed. I had he argued realized that if I feel this way other people need to feel this way and I have to make a difference for them. Wow, I have to help them.
Charles Grimes 14:03 That's it. That's beautiful. And so you've started a coaching business. Tell me about that a little bit just what's the what's your vision? What's your mission in trying to come alongside people?
Lori Marini 14:16 So for me, I love working with people after they are done with their treatment. Like I said, you know, some of us have a treatment that goes very quickly. Some of us it's extended for a really long time. But what I truly believe is that at some point in time, you come to a point where you are just like, you know what, I'm done with feeling X, Y, and Z, I want more and that's where I step in. I step in to be the your cheerleader I step in to be the like to see and hear what you want for your life. And then I just support you through it. I hold your hand and we go through it. So my vision for my coaching is most I work mostly with women, however, I've never turned away turned away. Have male clients that I work mostly with women to empower them in their next step, right? Like you've gone through the hardship, and you've worried through and now it's time for you to, you know, take your life to the next step.
Charles Grimes 15:14 Awesome. In in working with clients and folks that are in that situation, what would you say, you know, are the most common struggles that they face? What you've mentioned it a little bit, but just spin that out. Are you seeing some trends for folks? It may depend upon what what particulars and circumstances but are there some general things that that your clients are struggling with?
Lori Marini 15:35 Absolutely. I think we all struggle with the emotional component. So many of us just want to forget about what happened and we just want to move forward that we forget to handle our hearts handle our souls, like have them heal. Because, like I mentioned, going through treatment, it's just more stuff that you need to do. So you have a plan, you have a list of appointments and you just keep going through the motions, the emotional stuff actually requires you to sit down for a second, be quiet, be still, and just be okay with what you've just gone through. And that's a really hard thing for people to do. So that's first and foremost what we talked about, like, where are you at? What do you feel? Where do you want to go? And then the second is getting beyond the fear of recurrence, right? It's like, and there's a lot, there's also a lot of guilt, guilt for people that have helped you, whether it's your employer, whether it's your family, guilt in, in the fact that you want to just live your life, but then you feel like you owe people so much for getting you to where you are. And those are the top three that really, that we really work on a lot.
Charles Grimes 16:48 I can imagine the physical part of this, especially for someone like you've mentioned and others that were, you know, came in pretty healthy and they were strong and they didn't have, maybe pre existing condition and things like that. But the physical part of it, as hard as that part of it is, might be the easier part, you know, the because then you're dealing with more of the mental side of this the fear, the emotional side, and those that I know that have been through this, you know that that's certainly a part of the, the experience they have. So in that sense, what tools are you using to kind of keep yourself of course, healthy and positive? What are what are you doing? What are some of the brief, you know, strategies, if you would, that you would work with a person to try to keep them positive, keep them moving in the right direction?
Lori Marini 17:35 So, you know, great question. And I love what you said right before it. It's so true that physically you just go through the motions, right? Like, it's something that you know, you You just need to do, you make it happen, or you choose not to make it happen, right, one or the other. And emotionally, I think why it's different from the physical component is because you can't control it as much, right? It's the loss of control that you have that you feel specific way, and you don't want to feel a certain way, but you do. So I think also, you know, what people are trying to do is regain some form of control. And a lot of people do that by either closing themselves off blocking out their emotions, you know, you name it, we all have our vices on how we do it. So one of the things that I work with, with my clients is to look for the areas where they're holding on to control, like, Where is control, controlling your life, or for the better word, and where are you able to just live free. And so we sort through that we work through that and and we do that through I'm a huge believer in journaling. Hmm, making a journal journal least five minutes a day, whatever comes to mind, it doesn't need to be perfect. I find that writing on paper is much more therapeutic than on a computer. So I tell people get a pen, get a paper like make it a fun ink, whatever you need to do, and just write freehand for five to 10 minutes and as long as you feel like you need to, and the other is gratitude. what really got me through my journey, and something that I share with everyone is I started a 365 days of gratitude. And it's something where I would literally count the days. And I would go through my day and find something to be grateful for, because there's always something to be grateful for. So I would take pictures of what would inspire me What would I found something that was beautiful or unique. And at the end of the day, every day before I went to bed, I would write a post about it. And this is what my day was today, and this is what I was grateful for. And you know what, I feel that you could always find the negative, and sometimes finding the positive is the hardest thing. And staying in that positive vibe really brings you much more positive. Like you find your tribe you find your people you find where you need to be and what you need to do and sometimes it's Not you know, it's never a straight road. So keeping yourself in alignment with who you want to be and who you are and who you want to surround yourself with is truly the key to having an amazing life after such a huge trauma.
Charles Grimes 20:15 Absolutely, yeah. And, you know, that's good advice for all of us, regardless of whether we're cancer warriors or not.
Lori Marini 20:21 So well, we all haveour version, right?
Charles Grimes 20:23 Yeah.
Lori Marini 20:24 So we've all had something
Charles Grimes 20:27 You know, you you we've mentioned it a lot. But by your academic preparation and your work experience, you had a such a great in advance advantage, if I might call it that, too. Now, having gone through it. I'm going to kind of highlight you as a superhero here by the end because you've gone through your pain, and that's, you know, it may seem cheesy, but I kind of want to this is so you know, in an appropriate time with just this past weekend. The news of Chadwick Boseman’s passing from colon cancer and you know, we played most recently the Black Panther, you know, character as a superhero. But Laurie Marina, you are a superhero because of what you've been through and the the knowledge that you have. But coach us, if you would coach me as a as a pastor, as a friend, as an encourager in how we best as part of to join the tribe of someone that we might know, what were some of those things that you might highlight for a person like me or those that are listening that might know someone who is coming alongside a cancer warrior? How can we best help?
Lori Marini 21:36 I think first and foremost, just be there, right? be there when they when they need help, be there, be there in a way that have it be okay, no matter where they are, like, Don't try to fix it be there as a support. Sometimes not saying anything is the best thing you could do. Right? So, so many times people try to fix, fix you and right now there's no fixing. Like you're chemo, your radiation, your, you know naturopathic modalities like they're going to fix you. So what we really need is just to know that we are loved the way that we are even with being disfigured or however right. And being loved for you know where we are right now have it be okay with whatever it is that we're dealing with. And just if you want to be a support, just be a kind ear but also offer something like if you want to go grocery shopping for me, offer it don't ask don't wait for me to ask, like do the small little things that you know will make a difference. Whether it's you know, folding the laundry, putting it away, like the little things that that, you know, it brings up a point that what surprised me the most was how as a person who is fiercely independent, how I had to just give that up in order to have people support me.
Charles Grimes 22:59 Yeah, and I I would think that someone from the outside may have to kind of work at that to be gracious with you. Be patient with you, when you keep pushing me away to just say, okay, it's alright, I give you your space, but I'm here. And so yeah, I think that's so helpful. Thanks for sharing that. Laurie, give us a little sneak peek into your current work. You're working with a colleague on a book that will be released this fall. Tell us a little bit about that project. I love the title. I'll let you share that. But tell us where this is coming from.
Lori Marini 23:31 So I have the honor of being on Tamara Looks podcast. And from the podcast. She was inspired to invite me and it's a collaboration on on a book called women who boss up and it's a healthcare edition. So it's women who boss up in healthcare. It's women who had faced adversity and found a positive outlook on a positive way. To break free of adversity to overcome it. So I'm very, very blessed that I was asked to be a part of this amazing initiative. And the book is launch is going to be launched in September, there will be some pre ordering available that I will have on my website. I'll put the link up there too. But it's really a amazing book of women who have just really overcome, you know, health issues in their life and have found a way to just make a positive out of something so negative.
Charles Grimes 24:33 Oh, yeah, what a great work. So all the best to you and she, when, when you can release this, and I'm sure there'll be other opportunities, obviously, and exposure for what you do. But I love that "Women who boss up", you know, there's this warrior mentality, we're not going to be victims, we're going to take initiative and step into what we're facing. So I would imagine a lot of the interviews and the stories of these warriors come out Have your own podcast, you are a host. Like me, I appreciate that. And you host a podcast called conversations with courageous cancer warriors. Tell us where that came from and how that's going for you.
Lori Marini 25:13 So what I've learned throughout this journey is that everybody just wants to be heard, right? And my listening has changed because I'm no longer the same person I was. And that's part of why I chose to leave my profession I absolutely loved I wanted to make a difference in a different way, but still protect my soul. So I chose to be more of a consultant as a PA now than I am and I've taken on coaching full time. I also am a speaker. So I do provide motivational speaking to groups. And what the podcast has allowed me to do is really have people share with the world what I'm hearing in a coaching session, right, but do it in a way that they get to share whatever they want to share. However they want to share it. And I've had some such amazing guests. And it's, it's really something that I love. And I hold true and dear to me because it's proven that we all have a same common thread, there's always something that you can get related to with someone, you just have to give them the time to open their heart. And so even though our journeys are all very different, I find that we all have a same common thread where we want to be good human beings. We want to encourage others by what we've been through of like, hey, maybe there's a better way for you. But ultimately, we just all seek a community where you're just able to just be and not be judged. And, you know, once you're on the other side, certain things are just so difficult to hear, like my girlfriends were so great, and they were very supportive, but probably like a month and a half, two months after my double mastectomy they bought me a T shirt that read my boobs tried to kill me. And before this I probably would have laughed when I got it. I actually started crying in private because I didn't want them to see it. Yeah, but now I'm still not 100% convinced that I would laugh if I got it now. Right right so there's it's almost like a sensitivity training, right for people that as you go through this, just be kind and tread lightly because what might be something that someone else might find funny other people's might actually know. A little hurt by?
Charles Grimes 27:34 Yeah, absolutely.
Lori Marini 27:35 That's what the podcast has proven. Yeah.
Charles Grimes 27:37 And that again, I would highly recommend it. I've listened to several episodes and I just love your your, like you say, your compassion, your understanding. In listening to another person's story. What I brought to my mind is that a burden shared is is actually only half as heavy, you know, and so sharing it with someone like yourself who not only has the medical knowledge And sort of the you know the the intellectual, you know, understanding of what what they've been through you, yourself have been through it and are still going through it. It's it's, you know, you're once a warrior always a warrior, I'm sure. So, Lori, this has been great. You are truly an inspiration. You're a superhero with a wonderful backstory now that you are using to make a positive impact in the world. You you qualify in every way as a true encourager. And so thank you so much. How is it that you would recommend that listeners best get in touch with you? Where can we learn more about you and get in touch with you?
Lori Marini 28:36 So my website has all of my links to all my social media my phone number so you can actually get me on the phone and my email as well. So my website is lorimarini.com. So please find me there. I'm also on Facebook. We have a Lori Marini coaching page on Facebook and I also have a Lori Marini coaching on Instagram too.
Charles Grimes 29:06 Awesome. Hey the podcast, check it out, it's "Conversations with courageous cancer warriors", and look for this upcoming wonderful book "Women who boss up". Lori Marini. Thank you so much, once again for being on the podcast today.
Lori Marini 29:20 Thank you so much. It was really, really a pleasure to be here.
Charles Grimes 29:24 There you have it, Lori Marini and the courageous cancer warriors. What a great work that she's doing to utilize the experience and the knowledge that she has. Not only being a student and a professional working with cancer, and that fight, but also as now a survivor and a warrior herself, having been through that really effective for us to take the experience that we have in life and use it for the betterment of this world and to build each other's strength and our encouragement Other so hope you enjoy cat thanks so much for listening. Be encouragers united podcast is only just a part of the ministry that I'm developing online with high energy positive minded encouragers just like you. I'm also hosting a Facebook Live each week. I call it Tuesday tea with Charlie G. Spend just 15 or 20 minutes together over a cup of coffee or tea. I'll share some laughs and thoughts to hopefully inspire you. Feel free to check it all out on Charles grimes.com please subscribe, like and share my work with those who you feel could benefit. I want you to grow and mature and your encouragement gifts to make this world a better place. Join the community, for we're in this thing together.